Contradiction

21 May 2018

Yesterday, I spent 2-3 hours doing work for my company. It was for modifying the diagram for our application.

That weekend, I didn’t write work on much of my own stuff. I read a good amount, but I didn’t really work on my own things.

But it led me to a critical insight. A severe contradiction. Here I am. On Sunday. Doing work for my company that was semi-urgent, putting so much effort to prettify and make this diagram accurate. But not having spent a single hour coding my own things.

What a contradiction.

Do I really not care about myself? About my own creations and dreams, to the degree that I would prioritize the dream of some other entity?

It just made me feel uncomfortable. It’s hard to put into words, but it left me with a deep sense of disappointment.

I want to build my own things, and proudly have my name on the things I have created.